The hipsterdom fashion universe is a pastiche of things defined more or less by the level of irony they can convey. This means - like a ravenous, all-consuming blob - the hipster wolf-pack adopts certain items and inadvertently redefines them until they’ve lost most of their original meaning. Here’s a short list of things outlining exactly what we mean.

Bow Ties

Who used to wear it:

Old-school statesmen…

Black Muslims…

What it used to mean: This cute little bowtie belies the absurd amount of power you hold in your hands. Just because you wear this inexplicable thing doesn’t mean you can’t/won’t do stuff like raise taxes on candy-ass commoners, politely and gentlemanly suppress a silly insurrection on one of your many faraway colonies, and wager your country’s GDP on a horse race over brandys and cigars.

Also, the white man best not fuck with you.

What it means now: How ironic. I’m wearing a bowtie.

Full rim eyeglasses

Who used to wear it: Army recruits with poor eyesight…

Nerds who actually are nerds…

What it used to mean: Your army-issued lenses won’t break, not even if you step on a land mine. You might be eviscerated, but these babies scream fine-made American craftsmanship, and were soundly beaten by the repeal of ‘Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell’ as one on the initiatives designed to usher the sociological aspects of the armed forces into the 21st century. If you’re the kind not into guns, you might start thinking about forging an alliance with black people to help thwart your jock enemies.

What it means now: How ironic. I’m wearing square glasses.

Wool caps

Who used to weat it: People who were cold. Because it’s a wool cap, and…that’s what you do when you’re outside and it’s cold. You wear something on your head. No big deal, unless you have half a mind to take on nature while you’re at it…

What it used to mean: Well, let’s see here. You wear this because it’s cold outside and you don’t want you’re ears to freeze and shrivel. When it’s not cold outside, you don’t wear it. Unless you want to hide some high pattern baldness, why the hell would you wear this thing when it’s 90 degrees outside?

What it means now: How ironic. I’m wearing a wool cap, and it’s 90 degrees outside.

Fedoras

Who used to wear it: Private investigators…

Prohibition-era gangsters…

Irascible old football coaches who will kick your ass if you don’t stop crying…

What it used to mean: You’re too important/badass for everybody else to see the top of your head. You have more hair, and it’s better-coiffed than everybody else’s, but they’ll never see it because your time is precious, and you have an important meeting to get to at city hall. Or maybe you’re going to secret conference to discuss assassinating the heads of the five families. Or maybe some dame just walked into your office with a sob story, and it’s up to you to solve the case and leave her sexually indebted to you.

What it means now: How ironic. I’m wearing a fedora.

Stereo plug-in size headphones

Who used to wear them: Anybody who was alive in the 70s…

What they used to mean: You lived in an era other people wish they could magically hearken back to. In your time, rock stars were too busy banging chicks and pounding Jack Daniels to write mushy, self-pitying break-up songs about their high school girlfriends. While everybody else snaps back to reality, you’re going to smoke this J and have AIDS-less sex with your woman. Oh yeah, there’s a chance you might be the father of somebody reading this.

What it means now: How ironic. I’m wearing gigantic headphones.

Keffiyeh Scarves

Who usually wears/wore it: Mostly just this guy…

What it used to mean: You don this out of Palestinian nationalism, or possibly just to confuse any Westerner watching you protest on TV (so…is it a hat, or a scarf?). The hearty blood of your ancestors inks your keffiyeh in black and white. The fabric adorning your neck is woven with centuries of tradition and sand-weathered pride. It’s not a keffiyeh, it’s a way of life.

What it means now: How ironic. I’m wearing a keffiyeh. If anybody asks, I’m protesting against corporations. Corporations, man.

Did we miss out on anything that should’ve made the list, at least for the sake of a few more pictures? If a few more pictures and perhaps better examples is what you desire, be sure to check out latfh.com, short for ‘Look at this fucking hipster’.